For the longest time, I've been meaning to write a story about a girl growing up in india. I want her story to reflect the hypocrisies and idiosyncrasies of society. I want it to be a biting commentary, without being preachy. I want it to achieve this by humour irony contrast and sarcasm, i want it to make men and women feel ashamed about what they are. I want it to shame them into becoming better people, or dying out of sheer self disgust. i want to do this anonymously.
I have never written a story before and have never been considered a writer or any great merit. At the end of every book I wonder if the author lived the story, or knew the plot before starting to write it, let it take its own course. I can imagine that writing for such long periods of time can be a journey of self discovery. Indeed, this must be one of the reasons that people write.

beautiful creatures

i fixed my webcam. the solution was ridiculously simple, i found it on a forum. the fn-esp key switches the webcam on and off and mine was off. this is ridiculous. i could have fixed it months ago and thought it was a problem with the kernel and instrument. i was even contemplating buying a new webcam. goes to show, if you sit long enough and decide to fix a problem, it gets fixed. simple truths. my incompetence seriously stems from my laziness.

My workplace is dumb. I think I have understood what she was trying to tell me. Why continue in a place where you are forced into a position where you have to pretend to be dumb? One can be oversensitive though. The world is a battlefield, there is no period of calm. One can never let one's guard down, as a single woman. Thats why we end up being bitches. Go to a place which enriches you. Or create a world around you that is positive and enriching. Or go with the flow, whatever.

trying to fix my goddamn webcam at long last.

yes, somebody still uses blogger. i dont wanna tweet, i dont wanna follow people, i dont want web wars, i just wanna rant!

i'm in a quantum state of existence. never settling, always in limbo, delocalized, exended, trying to feel the world around me.

the people can re-elect someone like narendra modi. a leader who is heavily biased towards the majority and dangerous for the minorty. this can easily discredit democracy. how does it matter if democracy's name is sullied anyway. the point is that it is unfair. whenever somebody talks about change, these words are thrown up. threatens democracy, goes against the koran, is anti gandhian, is illegal, unconstitutional.

if hillary clinton flies around the globe 24 times she is applauded for her statesmanship. however if pratibha patil does is, then she is wasting government money. why is this so?  maybe if kalam visited all those countries, then people would not have minded so much, they would think he was outgoing and swashbuckling or whatever. so, what is it about pratibha patil? is it because we consider her incompetent? what does kalam have that pratibha patil doesn't? a penis?what is the role of the president anyway?

so hilary clinton comes to india to mediate discussions of water between india and bangladesh. why?

what is the use of journalism and media? it seems to me to be vain and attention craving. seeking approval as righteous. it remains to be seen if media really changes the world. why is writing about miserable lives of people for rich people to read considered useful?
help doesnt come from above. strength comes from within.

all i ever wanted was for good things to happen to people. yet my good intentions got the better of me. what have i ever got in return for good intentions? my parents go to the temple and pray and pray with great looks of devotion as they close their eyes and fold their hands. they pour their feelings out silently into a desperate prayer. yet what good did it do? how would one ever verify that good intentions actually lead to results. good intentions are a lazy effort. yet i cannot discount the power of the network around me. after all, whose life isnt a result of a series of seemingly random events that irreversibly changed things? but i fail to see how inaction and mere good feelings or whatever can actually affect the network.

people have gotten tired of my rants. i'm 32 and too old to be a single indian woman. people dont give me attention anymore. this has its pros and cons. one the one hand, it can be quite lonely. on the other, i can think of what i actually want to do with my life.