Love.

Love does drive everything. Complicated things are difficult to love. Beauty is in the simple and small things. I fall in love with simple things, lead a simple life and wait for things to grow and take care of animals, sing languid songs to the peacock at night, smoke a joint and go to sleep to wake up and do the same thing again. The heat makes you smell more flowers, everything happens slowly slowly. mysore. opiates in the air. where instead of top of the morning to you! people greet you with "i hope you're well rested". People followed the rules, rarely had wild dreams of glory and were happy with their placid existence. There was a simple happiness to that kind of existence. It was sustainable. There were no complaints, no problems, as long as you did not have desires. As long as you were simple, and uncomplicated, and innocent as a child. Complicated is equated with something unpleasant, unsustainable, un organic. Utopia of the simple people.

I am intelligent, and capable of processing complicated thoughts but I simplify them, that is my natural instinct. Me, I am complicated, but I like simple. I agree with it, politically.
 One day, a really complicated man came into my life. His was a superior brain, but his psyche was plagued with all sort of maladies. Yet, he seemed incredibly self aware and strong to the naked eye. He claimed to love deeply, yet I felt that his love for me was a game of superiority. He was polyamorous, and I was one of his lovers. It was all completely new to me, I agreed with it, in principle, because it seemed simpler to me than expecting people to control their desires, but I had no desire to be with anyone else. I desired economy, frugality, simplicity. OK, so I'm boring, and the total opposite of AWESOME America, but am I to blame for it?

He had big ideas. They did not involve destruction, but some amount of controlling people. I had to detach myself from him, because it was hurting me. It hurt me to look at him, sometimes, because he did strange and weird things. But he is a sad and lonely person, capable of great things, and in need of love. Thats why he gives so much love. He needs it, for his own survival. Its all give and take for him. Very American. Thats what the culture is about. In India, love is uncondiional. Not only love, but fidelity is uncondtional.

My own relationships in India were complicated on their own. I felt trapped in some of them, although I was deeply attached and invested in the relationship. It drove me to find someone to heal the pain i was going through because of it. I commited adultery. My man could not come to terms with it. It broke him to think I could even think of being with someone else. Nobody he knew felt the pain he felt. There is no one to talk to, in a culture where it is taboo to have nothing but overwhelming all powerful and unbreakable love for the person you have chosen to be with.

You are your own person. You love things in your own way. Do not leave the simple life behind. Beat your mental demons with yoga.