the state of my work, is my primary dictator of mood. so many drugs, is unsustainable. you are going to pay for this addiction. finish the work and stop it. it has to stop. 2 days. do as much as you can now. calm down. breathe. you are getting paranoid. dont smoke any more anything. just chill, breathe, do yoga and exercise, eat well, and regulate yourself. self regulate and self motivate. but be cool calm and collected and dont worry about anything at all. you are not the most important thing. death will come someday, your goal should be to die without regrets. punya sampadane. Community. Be kind to people. Leave the material world. Stop smoking, be kind to animals. Be aware of the world. Do not immerse yourself in your head. Talk to people, fill yourself with happiness. Do not avoid people. Build community, not with the purpose of being powerful. Be good unabashedly. The day you die, you die happy. How to attain that happiness? Drugs, regret? pain? suffer for your sins? follow your heart? be good to people? just be full of happy chemicals till the very end? how to be that way? not by reading books, but by going out and helping people. Not by policy, but by having a muscular empathy, not by writing about it for the rich, but by cutting all through the political bullshit and always helping people in any way. by being innocent at heart, no malice. Sex is a biological urge, just be good to people, be open and honest and brave. Be brave. Be braver. And more brave. Be brave, for your sisters and brothers. Your job is to be brave for people, and to fear nothing.

He wanted to assert his dominance on you from the very beginning. Everything is a game of dominant and recessive. The bond of duality. Male and Female. Covering ass. Adopting a system that is wrong for you. Work baby work. Keep at it. Work as a team but always be separate and brave. read and propogate the right information. There is too much bullshit in the world. The prescription is not to read about the philosophy and pontificate, but to actually DO. yuck, yet i keep ranting about shit and doing nothing. no facebook. limit yourself to your immediate surroundings. go to the schools and colleges. Go to the people. Dont give it some fancy name. Just call it some group of volunteers or whatever. Start a couple of volunteer websites. That can be your start. Look for some non religious ones. No motto and and all that. Just a really good website that is totally usable and will beautifully take off.

First job is conceptualize.