screw this shit. i'm going to find a job, live a life, and come back to research some day if i want to.

dreary loveless life. i am in love with a child man. who used to call me a bitch for not calling him every other hour. but he loved me, like he loved his mother. he wasnt too bad, he was quite sweet in fact, and loved me a lot, beyond my grasp. what made me so miserable though? i was sexually frustrated, definitely, he never did satisfy me, grinding on top of me for a few minutes. after 6 years, there was no chemistry, and no hope of chemistry. i slept with him so i wouldnt hurt his feelings. but i loved him. so why did i give up? and when i did, why can i not move on? the weeks months and years roll by, one day i will wake up and realize im an old woman, still clinging to a distant memory of true love, of a child man. maybe i live in the hope that he will grow up, in my absence and somehow rectify everything.