all i want for my birthday is to finish this paper.
Jun 30, 2013
Jun 29, 2013
the state of my work, is my primary dictator of mood. so many drugs, is unsustainable. you are going to pay for this addiction. finish the work and stop it. it has to stop. 2 days. do as much as you can now. calm down. breathe. you are getting paranoid. dont smoke any more anything. just chill, breathe, do yoga and exercise, eat well, and regulate yourself. self regulate and self motivate. but be cool calm and collected and dont worry about anything at all. you are not the most important thing. death will come someday, your goal should be to die without regrets. punya sampadane. Community. Be kind to people. Leave the material world. Stop smoking, be kind to animals. Be aware of the world. Do not immerse yourself in your head. Talk to people, fill yourself with happiness. Do not avoid people. Build community, not with the purpose of being powerful. Be good unabashedly. The day you die, you die happy. How to attain that happiness? Drugs, regret? pain? suffer for your sins? follow your heart? be good to people? just be full of happy chemicals till the very end? how to be that way? not by reading books, but by going out and helping people. Not by policy, but by having a muscular empathy, not by writing about it for the rich, but by cutting all through the political bullshit and always helping people in any way. by being innocent at heart, no malice. Sex is a biological urge, just be good to people, be open and honest and brave. Be brave. Be braver. And more brave. Be brave, for your sisters and brothers. Your job is to be brave for people, and to fear nothing.
He wanted to assert his dominance on you from the very beginning. Everything is a game of dominant and recessive. The bond of duality. Male and Female. Covering ass. Adopting a system that is wrong for you. Work baby work. Keep at it. Work as a team but always be separate and brave. read and propogate the right information. There is too much bullshit in the world. The prescription is not to read about the philosophy and pontificate, but to actually DO. yuck, yet i keep ranting about shit and doing nothing. no facebook. limit yourself to your immediate surroundings. go to the schools and colleges. Go to the people. Dont give it some fancy name. Just call it some group of volunteers or whatever. Start a couple of volunteer websites. That can be your start. Look for some non religious ones. No motto and and all that. Just a really good website that is totally usable and will beautifully take off.
First job is conceptualize.
He wanted to assert his dominance on you from the very beginning. Everything is a game of dominant and recessive. The bond of duality. Male and Female. Covering ass. Adopting a system that is wrong for you. Work baby work. Keep at it. Work as a team but always be separate and brave. read and propogate the right information. There is too much bullshit in the world. The prescription is not to read about the philosophy and pontificate, but to actually DO. yuck, yet i keep ranting about shit and doing nothing. no facebook. limit yourself to your immediate surroundings. go to the schools and colleges. Go to the people. Dont give it some fancy name. Just call it some group of volunteers or whatever. Start a couple of volunteer websites. That can be your start. Look for some non religious ones. No motto and and all that. Just a really good website that is totally usable and will beautifully take off.
First job is conceptualize.
Jun 28, 2013
Jun 24, 2013
Commemorative. Continuing education of the classics. Originality. Jazz. Chora Vidya. You listen to so many things in a day. You pick from here and there. You put the together in one voice. In one breath. you bring your thoughts, your tunes, your actions, your philosophy, your ideals, your beauty, your land , your inspirations. You cente yourself, and flow.
Jun 18, 2013
How do you write about an incomplete piece of work?
You have some findings.
Report them completely.
The problem is there are many findings that do not make sense unless you have the entire structure in mind from the beginning.
So you have to write a story with missing pieces and inconsistencies. Still, first write in words what it is about. Just in words, the entire thing. Even if you dont have all the information.
You have some findings.
Report them completely.
The problem is there are many findings that do not make sense unless you have the entire structure in mind from the beginning.
So you have to write a story with missing pieces and inconsistencies. Still, first write in words what it is about. Just in words, the entire thing. Even if you dont have all the information.
Love.
Love does drive everything. Complicated things are difficult to love. Beauty is in the simple and small things. I fall in love with simple things, lead a simple life and wait for things to grow and take care of animals, sing languid songs to the peacock at night, smoke a joint and go to sleep to wake up and do the same thing again. The heat makes you smell more flowers, everything happens slowly slowly. mysore. opiates in the air. where instead of top of the morning to you! people greet you with "i hope you're well rested". People followed the rules, rarely had wild dreams of glory and were happy with their placid existence. There was a simple happiness to that kind of existence. It was sustainable. There were no complaints, no problems, as long as you did not have desires. As long as you were simple, and uncomplicated, and innocent as a child. Complicated is equated with something unpleasant, unsustainable, un organic. Utopia of the simple people.
I am intelligent, and capable of processing complicated thoughts but I simplify them, that is my natural instinct. Me, I am complicated, but I like simple. I agree with it, politically.
One day, a really complicated man came into my life. His was a superior brain, but his psyche was plagued with all sort of maladies. Yet, he seemed incredibly self aware and strong to the naked eye. He claimed to love deeply, yet I felt that his love for me was a game of superiority. He was polyamorous, and I was one of his lovers. It was all completely new to me, I agreed with it, in principle, because it seemed simpler to me than expecting people to control their desires, but I had no desire to be with anyone else. I desired economy, frugality, simplicity. OK, so I'm boring, and the total opposite of AWESOME America, but am I to blame for it?
He had big ideas. They did not involve destruction, but some amount of controlling people. I had to detach myself from him, because it was hurting me. It hurt me to look at him, sometimes, because he did strange and weird things. But he is a sad and lonely person, capable of great things, and in need of love. Thats why he gives so much love. He needs it, for his own survival. Its all give and take for him. Very American. Thats what the culture is about. In India, love is uncondiional. Not only love, but fidelity is uncondtional.
My own relationships in India were complicated on their own. I felt trapped in some of them, although I was deeply attached and invested in the relationship. It drove me to find someone to heal the pain i was going through because of it. I commited adultery. My man could not come to terms with it. It broke him to think I could even think of being with someone else. Nobody he knew felt the pain he felt. There is no one to talk to, in a culture where it is taboo to have nothing but overwhelming all powerful and unbreakable love for the person you have chosen to be with.
You are your own person. You love things in your own way. Do not leave the simple life behind. Beat your mental demons with yoga.
Love does drive everything. Complicated things are difficult to love. Beauty is in the simple and small things. I fall in love with simple things, lead a simple life and wait for things to grow and take care of animals, sing languid songs to the peacock at night, smoke a joint and go to sleep to wake up and do the same thing again. The heat makes you smell more flowers, everything happens slowly slowly. mysore. opiates in the air. where instead of top of the morning to you! people greet you with "i hope you're well rested". People followed the rules, rarely had wild dreams of glory and were happy with their placid existence. There was a simple happiness to that kind of existence. It was sustainable. There were no complaints, no problems, as long as you did not have desires. As long as you were simple, and uncomplicated, and innocent as a child. Complicated is equated with something unpleasant, unsustainable, un organic. Utopia of the simple people.
I am intelligent, and capable of processing complicated thoughts but I simplify them, that is my natural instinct. Me, I am complicated, but I like simple. I agree with it, politically.
One day, a really complicated man came into my life. His was a superior brain, but his psyche was plagued with all sort of maladies. Yet, he seemed incredibly self aware and strong to the naked eye. He claimed to love deeply, yet I felt that his love for me was a game of superiority. He was polyamorous, and I was one of his lovers. It was all completely new to me, I agreed with it, in principle, because it seemed simpler to me than expecting people to control their desires, but I had no desire to be with anyone else. I desired economy, frugality, simplicity. OK, so I'm boring, and the total opposite of AWESOME America, but am I to blame for it?
He had big ideas. They did not involve destruction, but some amount of controlling people. I had to detach myself from him, because it was hurting me. It hurt me to look at him, sometimes, because he did strange and weird things. But he is a sad and lonely person, capable of great things, and in need of love. Thats why he gives so much love. He needs it, for his own survival. Its all give and take for him. Very American. Thats what the culture is about. In India, love is uncondiional. Not only love, but fidelity is uncondtional.
My own relationships in India were complicated on their own. I felt trapped in some of them, although I was deeply attached and invested in the relationship. It drove me to find someone to heal the pain i was going through because of it. I commited adultery. My man could not come to terms with it. It broke him to think I could even think of being with someone else. Nobody he knew felt the pain he felt. There is no one to talk to, in a culture where it is taboo to have nothing but overwhelming all powerful and unbreakable love for the person you have chosen to be with.
You are your own person. You love things in your own way. Do not leave the simple life behind. Beat your mental demons with yoga.
Jun 17, 2013
Best things I've heard in America:
Cold? This is not cold! Cold is when you can rub your chin and give yourself a shave!
Its awesome and awful at the same time. Look at it. You love it and you hate it. You gotta love that.
Me: So what are you doing today?
18 year old: I have a meeting with my co-founder.
Cold? This is not cold! Cold is when you can rub your chin and give yourself a shave!
Its awesome and awful at the same time. Look at it. You love it and you hate it. You gotta love that.
Me: So what are you doing today?
18 year old: I have a meeting with my co-founder.
Jun 12, 2013
And everything changes forever, again.
India, chaos, heat and dust. Hello my love!
My job is to help people. I should be simple and not too ambitious. Then I can achieve something. Look at Jill, what she does is doable, and she is so happy. Just be simple.
I just want someone who I can trust not to flip out. Maybe I flip out way too often.
Seeking someone I could ask 'Whats the secret to your staying unmarried for so long'?
Relax. Work right now.
India, chaos, heat and dust. Hello my love!
My job is to help people. I should be simple and not too ambitious. Then I can achieve something. Look at Jill, what she does is doable, and she is so happy. Just be simple.
I just want someone who I can trust not to flip out. Maybe I flip out way too often.
Seeking someone I could ask 'Whats the secret to your staying unmarried for so long'?
Relax. Work right now.
Jun 9, 2013
dont become a robot, on drugs, doing, moving forward and being self obsessed. go to india, spend time with family and friends. be soft hearted. do things slowly. don't get bloated and try to do too many things. slow and steady is always better. don't apologize for taking your time and being your own person. dont blame people for not being able to work with you. be happy, be generous, give love, be humble. just chill chill just chill.
Jun 8, 2013
Jun 5, 2013
Jun 4, 2013
you join academia, you teach fundamental physics and mathematics. the student minds are fired up. they want to go to america, the scientific place, where none of this phantasmagoria exists. they want to do research, get a phd and join academia. its not necessaily science that you choose, but a lifestyle.an escape from the regular world, a place to socialize, drink beer with people who earn quite a bit. academia in india is a previlege of the few. do you have the guts to not get into it? to be out. to live outside, in the regular world. move countries if you have to, marry the one who helps you be happy and peaceful, take care of the young, be calm, relaxed, cool and see the joy, not the pressure. be confident about your science, revel in your curiosity.
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