Another roller coaster ride. Emotional  highs and lows. Mind trying to control events, mind trying to control mind. Once again. What can one do to be pragmatic about this process? How does one remain detached? Read pop psychology? Smoke cigarettes? Write a blog entry? All of the above. At such times I realize I am all alone. Is he all alone? As usual, I thought we connected. Then something happened on that one day. Is the thrill gone? You make excuses, you have a week to plan for yourself, you feel slighted, taken for granted. Again. You wonder if you did anything wrong. Maybe. You plan. Strategize. Save yourself. Protect your precious ego. You don't understand. You can't understand. You feel like an idiot. And then learn to play the saxophone all over again.